PU$$Y

“I know that showin’ emotion don’t ever mean I’m a pussy
Know that I don’t make music for niggas who don’t get pussy” – Aubrey Graham

Pussy, it’s really fun to say. Pussy, some people even feel cooler when they say it. Pussy, kind of… rolls off of the tongue. But it is one great example of how harmful words can be and we should fight to erase it along with the ideas that stem from such language. It continues to suppress progression in our culture and remains harmful to men and women alike. What is it that we are really saying when we say pussy? We are referring to it as an object, and not just an object, but more specifically an object for the taking. We use language to convey certain ideas,”pussy” is a part of the language used to feed into ideas that a woman’s body is not hers to control and she only really achieves her potential when she is giving it up. Pussy is not the only word that feeds into these ideals, the objectification of the female sex organ becomes apparent when one more closely examine everyday language.

A woman’s value is generally measured in how she can benefit others in society, not herself, and a woman has a number of perceived responsibilities forced upon her. The responsibility of having to remain more conscious of her appearance because of the inevitable scrutiny that will come as a result.The responsibility of bearing children falls exclusively to women and yet it remains a hotly debated topic in a forum where men have the loudest voice. The responsibility of dealing with being victimized, victim blamed and subsequently ignored. The fact that women have these and more responsibilities, are expected to do a job just as well as a man and still make less than him is, in most basic terms, unfair. The problem is that we all accept this blatantly unfair system because women are objectified and we are all desensitized. It’s become so normal to treat women with the same sort of morals as one does an object that we don’t question it. If anyone doubts our capacity as a society to ignore big problems that women specifically face and that women have the deck stacked high against them, look no further than our sexual culture.

Women are not walking pussies, sorry if that’s hard to hear, but it’s a simple fact. Our culture is heavily influenced by sex and women find themselves frequently either forgotten, ignored or as the victim. Men are taught that sex is an avenue for their own enjoyment and women are taught that the goal of sex is to best please the man.Many men say that women have all the power in a relationship because they control the sex but not only is this view founded in archaic ideas, it also shows a skewed view of the importance of consensual sex. Sex is not a bargaining chip, not a prize, and it is not a given; by continuing to objectify women we reinforce negative ideas about sex instead of the idea that sex should be something that both parties choose to enjoy. The way we view sex as a society promotes things such as rape culture and overtly sexist stereotypes, if we are going to have sexuality affect our culture so profoundly, then it at least shouldn’t be something where women are often victimized.

As a man myself I know that this is a system that I am able to and sometimes do benefit from, but I also know how harmful misogynistic language can be to men. Systems of oppression continue to work if the ideas continue to live in our hearts and or minds and the way we communicate is pivotal in fights against these systems. If a man doesn’t buy into misogynistic ideas very much what might we call him? A “pussy”, just one common example of a word for a man who isn’t actively oppressing a woman. Men are taught to feel as if sex is something they are entitled to and for women, sex is often considered a duty. The rhetoric surrounding “pussy” makes a woman feel obligated to carry out her “duty” but it also encourages a man to take what is rightfully his. The harmfulness to men here stems from his failure to “take what is his”, whether it be from social ineptitude or some personal opposition to objectifying women, the man is shamed for his failure. Negative reinforcement is being used to convince men that hegemonic masculinity is not only beneficial to us but also that it’s right. As long as society continues shaming men whenever we stray from misogyny, we will not be effective partners in the fight to end it.

I am a man who has contributed to the problem of misogyny in our culture and I live in a time where we all continue to do so. Maybe it’s time to stop referring to a vagina as a pussy like it’s a cool prize you win or a spoil of conquest. Maybe it’s time to stop acting like women are pussies with other body parts attached to them and acknowledge their value as human beings. Maybe it’s time to stop calling a man a pussy for not buying into and acting on ideas of hegemonic masculinity. I’m not here to say that I understand all the complex problems associated with being a woman or that I’m a better man than the rest, but I am here to say I am a man and I support feminism. I’m also not here to say that a single word, pussy, is the root of all the problems of misogyny in our society or that it needs to be banned immediately. But I am here to say it’s time to be more thoughtful about our choice of words and the meanings we give them; It’s time to be brave about rejecting oppressive social norms, I mean what are you? A pussy?